It has been interesting and perversely amusing to watch the Washington press corps engage in their self-important tantrum over not being informed about Dick Cheney's hunting misadventure. One would think someone had compromised national secrets or something, and not had a hunting accident that was really no big deal, and certain not something of national importance. Perhaps the Veep did us a favor by giving the press a good opportunity to show us what they are really made of. If we didn't already know.

I read today a quote that I knew, from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, that says, “When Christ calls a man, He calls him to come and die.” I was struck as never before with that quote, and have been thinking about it all day. Two questions: Is it true? And if it is, what does it mean? What are the implications in my life?

I think it is true. I think Jesus’ teaching on losing one’s life for his sake and other teachings, in addition to the practices of the early church regarding valuing one’s life indicate that they understood things the same way as Bonhoeffer.

Then, I need to know what it means for me, as a practical matter in my life. Specifically, what does it mean to me in my longings, my desires, my “needs,” and my relationships. I struggle with not having anyone in my life with whom I am intimately close.

I am speaking first of emotional intimacy, but also of physical intimacy. And I long for someone who loves me and demonstrates it by her actions toward me. I don’t think I am abnormal in that regard, but that my desires are basic in most human beings.

The question that I cannot answer – yet – is whether “come and die” I no longer have a will of my own. Whether it means that my life becomes one of response to stimulus from God. Whether it means to write off or disregard ones own longings and desires. Are we to be like marionettes on a string, moving when the puppet master pulls the strings?

That seems very unhealthy to me. It seems that suppressing deep longings is the route to bigger problems. I find it very difficult to buy the idea that we somehow lose our personality and individuality by following Jesus.